There exists such an evil in this world that grabs ahold of you and makes you shine. It whispers to you telling you in fact are King of this world. No one can dethrone you and everyone will soon realize this. This evil does not stay with you all the time however, oh no. This evil is cruel, after it has whispered to you, made you believe what it says it slips away in the night. When you wake up you can’t breathe, your body shakes, you throw up and you become sick. Only when you embark on a holy mission to gain this evil, can things be ok again. But only until it leaves you again. After it further deceives you. This evil, this present darkness takes many forms. Some see a beautiful woman, who in fact seduces you and gives you a high you’ll soon not forget. You fall in love with her, but she doesn’t belong only to you. No, no, she belongs to many others. Other firms this evil takes is a sweet-smelling and tasting nectar. It comes in a powder form and you can turn it into a liquid. It leaves your eyes dilated and your heart warm and your stomach fuzzy with butterflies., as with everything evil it is only out to harm you. And more times than not, it lays you down until you are snug, wrapping you with blankets, like a quilt fresh out of the dryer on a cold, rainy day as it sucks the breath from your lungs until you are no more. Into the ground, six feet under that will put you. It is darkness. Evil incarnate. It is Heroin. And many, many Americans like myself and others become addicted, fall for this woman of the shadows. You either die or recover. Which is it?
For over nine years I was drowning myself in a different evil although this evil still belonged to the same family as the previous. But it was what you would call a precursor evil. A darkness all in its own, it prepared you for the true seduction. I became a slave to pain pills. Jumping ship over to the big boy, becoming homeless, living on the streets. Falling victim to the notorious enchantress of the narcotic industry and was naïve, and she knew it. She whispered what I wanted to hear, and she did something else; she covered my pain. A pain that has been eating at me for many years. And with that talent, I always wanted to be with her.
On the day I became a broken man my brother had issued me a warning. He said,
You be careful with this, this road you are going down trust me even though our family looks at you as The Prodigal Son, as soon as your addiction reveals itself , they will cast you out into the shadows and keep you there only until you bring them your redemption.
I chuckled at that a little only because I see myself as a survivor. Six years ago my daughter and I lost her mother to a heroin overdose. Her death shattered my heart, and I fell into a deep depression but remained just outside of that darkness and into the light to take care of my daughter and progress our life the way it needed to. But her mother’s death always set heavy in my heart she was my soul mate and we had a beautiful daughter together and I never recovered from losing her. Her death was the reason I became an addict and gave up pretty much on life and became homeless. My daughter moved in with her grandmother, my mother and then I began my descent. Overwhelmed with pain and heartache from recent transgressions, not only from friends, close friends but also from my brother. Losing all hope in myself I succumbed to the Mistress of dark, my heroin addiction. Before I was homeless, just after I had lost my apartment due to my brother committing 8 felonies from breaking and entering eight of my neighbors homes, vandalizing and stealing priceless items he thought he could make a quick buck from (arrested and charged) leading up to my eviction. I had set up all the furnishings of my two-bedroom apartment in a storage unit. A storage unit my brother had occupied and had room for all my belongings. But I did not know was the fact my brother was so far behind in payments, within a month he had lost his storage unit and I had lost all my belongings. In September 2016 I had received a payout of $20,000 from my workers comp settlement. From that money I bought a truck for a little over $8,000 which I lived in for 7 months and little by little between hotel stays, clothes, camping supplies and my heroin addiction my cash flow ended. For the next 6 months my only mission was to continue to search daily for my enchantress, my beloved. And I only sunk deeper and deeper into the abyss, doing things I would otherwise never have done. That year I was taken for everything I owned, mugged, and took part in committing felonies myself and engaged in a plethora of brawls to which the streets ran red. Hospital visits for my challengers. Yeah, I never lost a fight, I came close though.
When she whispered, I was on cloud nine. I stayed as close to my daughter as I could. I took her to school every morning and picked her up every afternoon until I lost my truck. My mother had forbidden me to come over to her house on account her finding heroin mashed into her carpet. She had an iPhone 5 I bought, a pay as you go phone, purchasing minutes for her so we could talk. Several months had gone by since the last time visiting with her and it was tearing me up. She was slipping away from me. Something had to change. One evening in late August, a night where it been still ninety plus degrees at ten pm I was on a drive with a good friends older sister. I rolled with her to keep her company while she ran errands. That evening she dropped heavy wisdom on me. Enough to wake myself up and grow the balls I needed to stand up to my enchantress and take back my life. She had told me that a young daughter will only wait for so long for her daddy to come back to her before she gives up and not want him around anymore, she will feel abandoned and it will only damage to her for the rest of her life. That hit me hard. She had already lost her mother; It would always be her and I against the world. Never would I abandon her, realizing then I needed to get my life back and my baby girl So that night I made myself a promise, to seek help. To reinstate my government issued medical insurance so I could check myself into a rehab and start my journey to recovery.